There is a saying that I heard my whole life as a child. It goes something like this; “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.” There is a full quote that goes along but you get the point.
I enjoy writing about good things, as we all have sadness that happens in our lives, so sharing the happy just makes sense for making the world a better place. We keep things close to our hearts that cause the most hurt and pain for the simple reason that it belongs to us and no one else, at least for me this rings true.
In prior posts, I have talked about my father and how his stroke has changed all our lives. I like to share when he has a milestone or we had fun doing something together. Bad days seem to be outweighing the good ones as time moves on and the stroke takes more of a toll on his body and mind coupled with the process of aging. He recently had one of the ‘not so good days’ that I would like to share;
My father woke up muddled and a little confused when trying to line up his thoughts properly. He struggled with pulling the proper words he wanted to use. Taking our time as he struggled to get out of bed and into his wheelchair, I told him once he got his blood pumping and a fresh face on, then his brain would follow and all would be fine. I kept my own worries silent as I knew he didn’t look right and today would be a little different then most tough days.
Once his morning routine was complete and sat listening to his bible while I cooked breakfast, I heard him calling to me in a mumbled voice. This is how part of the conversation went…
Me: “Hey dad did you call me.”
My dad, as he looked up at me with worry and upset in his eyes: “I know that I love you, I really do, but I just don’t know your name.”
Me: “I know you do dad, I really do.”
All I could do was kiss him on the forehead and leave the room. He has called me different names before until he finally got to mine or my name being verbalized there was recognition. This was different because he truly had no recall of any name for me. I could see the fright and concern in his eyes. My father is fully aware of what is happening to his mind and body.
I felt sadness for my dad but, also, my heart was full because I felt his love without a name. Even on the worst days there are the best moments.
The next few days were better with good articulation and memory recall. He even wants to take a road trip to Pigeon Forge Tennessee with his girlfriend and do some fishing in the spring.