Part I  Part II    Part III

Part IV Conclusion

An urgency to cross the gates threshold before it closes, floods through you. Losing the chance to find what’s needed to keep living is not an option. The growing cancer inside has become immune to the contents of a vial. The cure has been hoarded and contained for too long. It is time to fight for your life so you can live for the love you’ve been denied. The first step takes you to a second and then into a sprint in search of what you now know was the reason for coming here all along. You suddenly remember what you saw beyond the feeders while looking out of your window this morning.

No air.  No breath. Heaviness settles into your chest as you slow your pace when what has been waiting for you comes into view.  Looking through a fractured glass box placed in the center of this cauldron you entered, is the face you long to touch again. Swirling around the box in flame-less smoke fingers are black and white movie clips you vaguely recall but know they are memories of days not remembered. Another step closer brings a vibration that causes spiderweb cracks to form in the glass encasing what you seek.  A small hand reaches out as the eyes beg you to free them from this imprisonment. Slowly you move closer ignoring the increasing turbulence around you. Still no breath as your lungs fill with the sweetness of honeysuckle and pureness of new life. It is a smell so powerful you can feel it leave your body as you exhale with the need to draw more back in. It is alive. It is part of you. It is cleansing to your soul.

You are standing nose to nose with the face. Only a splintering glass barrier stand between both now. You can smell the warm sweet breath and feel soft strands of hair touch your skin. The eyes are reflecting images that bring a pain so great to your heart. Bearing such a burden inside a beautiful being is over whelming. You must comfort the poor soul and embrace its grief. Two little hands press against the glass as tears roll from the corners of knowing eyes. Satin lips form a tender smile you see in your dreams. You bring your hands up gently placing them upon the fingers that once held yours and you hear the sweet voice whisper “Hello mama, I have missed you”. An eruption of glass and heavy blackness violently knock you to the ground. As your vision fades you hear the birds and see the image beyond the feeders that lured you here…A woman holding the hand of a little girl as they pick wild flowers in the field.

Opening your eyes slowly, you find yourself on the floor in the kitchen. Coffee and glass shattered everywhere around you. Foot steps come running into the room. The man you love kneels beside you as he takes your hand. His eyes are racked with worry and grief again. You reach up to touch his lovely weathered face and say “I remember. I remember it all. We’re going to be okay.” Embracing each other with a strength formed by the pain of loss. Together you can finally weep for the love of the child you lost. Together, you can say her name with comfort and smile.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.